cOndE

Who is that?

2010-04-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

This year has been crazy and full of the unexpected. Sometimes I'm not sure I recognize myself anymore. Being lost and empty has saved me, but also hurt me.

2010-03-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart.

-Martin Luther King Jr.

Oscar,
I know that I haven't been able to see you in the past couple of weeks, but I am still constantly amazed by your strength! I'm so happy that you are out of the hospital and I will see you soon! Keep it up big brother!!! I love you mucho!!!!! :)
<3 sister
ashley

Remember

2010-03-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

Oscar,
Please remember me. I love you.

Sister

This puts into some words...

2010-02-24T17:12:00.000-08:00

How I am feeling...

I asked you a question
But I didn't need you to reply
Is it getting heavy?
But then I realize
Is it getting heavy?
Well, I though it was already as heavy as can be

Is it overwhelming
To use a crane to crush a fly?
It's a good time for Superman
To lift the sun into the sky
Cause it's getting heavy
Hell I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everybody waiting for Superman
That they should try to hold on best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

Is it getting heavy?
Well I thought it was already as heavy as can be

Tell everybody waiting for Superman
That they should try to hold on best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift

-Iron and Wine

My Brother Oscar

2010-02-19T23:49:00.000-08:00

The past few days have been overwhelming and surreal. I can't put into words how I feel, but I still have hope in all that's good for the sake of my brother. Since I don't really have anyone to talk to, this is my way of sharing something that doesn't seem real.

My brother was in a work related accident where a valve exploded about 3 feet from him. There was about 4-500 lbs. of pressure behind this valve, and it is something that could have been prevented had people been paying attention to the work they do in the oil field. Anyway, when the valve exploded, part of it hit my brother in his head and knocked him out immediately. This piece of metal went into his skull about an inch causing a severe and very traumatic head injury. Had he not had a hard hat on, he would have died instantly.
He was rushed to the hospital where was put into a coma and then airlifted to another hospital in Lubbock, Tx. There, Oscar then had surgery where he had a 50/50 chance of getting through it. He had about a shot glass amount of his brain removed because it was damaged from the blow to his head. We were told that Oscar may not be able to speak, or understand what we are saying to him because of the part of the brain that was hit. There is no way of knowing that for sure until he wakes up. He has been heavily sedated for the past three days, as well as on a ventilator.
Yesterday was a day of miracles because Oscar has already opened his eyes. It was just for a second, but this is something that has blown the doctors and my family away. He was moving his arms and legs with a good amount of force, so the doctors have had to tie down his arms and legs so that when he does actually wake up all the way, he won't injure himself.
I say when because today Oscar opened his eyes again! This time it was longer than just a couple of seconds. He cannot focus in on anything, but he is looking around and moving his body. The nurses say that he is responding to pain, which sucks, but doesn't suck because this shows how strong he is and how well he is doing already considering the severity of his injury. I just don't like seeing him in so much pain. He also was taken off of the ventilator and is breathing on his own. It is obvious that it is difficult for him, but he is doing so awesome that I am blown away by his strength! That is most of what is going on, or as much as I can handle explaining.
We don't know how Oscar will be, or even if he will fully recover to his old self once he wakes up completely, but we know that this is going to be a very long process. Thank you to all who have shown your support and love. I cannot say how much I appreciate it.

To Oscar,
I know that you can hear me when I'm with you and when I'm not. I love you very much! I am blown away by your strength. You r light shines and your smile always brightens my day! I cannot wait for you to wake up, smile, laugh, and then tell me to shutup like you always do! :) I love you bubba, and I would do anything for you! I hope that you know that I love you more than I will every be able to express! I will be there when you wake up, and I will be there helping you get through this! Hang in there! I love you!

<3 sister

Meaning

2010-02-12T21:48:00.000-08:00

I love this picture. I love the stories & meanings that come from it, and the history that his photographer was able to capture throughout his life. . What a life...

At the risk of sounding ridiculous, let me say that the true revolutionary is guided by feelings of love.

What a life.
Korda y Che

Love Bites

2010-02-06T21:20:00.001-08:00

I think love bites. Literally! haha. I got bit by something right next to my heart tattoos, and you guessed it, it was in the shape of a heart. It's kind of hard to see in this pic, but it's the best I could do with my phone. Kind of random, but made me laugh. <3>

it's february

2010-01-30T22:46:00.000-08:00

You know what that means....Hallmark cards expressing feelings for everyone instead of everyone expressing their own feelings. So tell me how you feel through Hallmark, chocolates, or even teddy bears! but please, don't anyone get carried away with love! ;)

The Fray

2010-01-28T14:54:00.000-08:00

Some people have real problems...

2010-01-20T16:32:00.000-08:00

So just when you think you have it bad because life takes a big dump on you, and you are upset about some dumb guy that has/will forget about you if he hasn't already, and you think that your world is crushed, you wake up and realize how incredibly stupid that is...Why? haha I know it's ridiculous. Because some people have real problems... I am attending a funeral this weekend. My cousin lost her baby about 5 months before she was due. I think there are a lot of people in my life who appreciate me and I cannot put into words how much I appreciate the people in my life. So, to all of you who encourage me, listen to me talk about who knows what, and even put of my bullshit, thank you. I want you to know that I will always be here for you in any way I can, and if you need anything, I will give the only thing that I will always have, my time & me! Life is too short for me to worry about other silly things, so I love you all! Thank you for letting me love you, but mostly, thank you for loving me!

Collide

2010-01-15T15:23:00.000-08:00

I finally picked up my dusty guitar and here ya go... I am by no means talented, but I have always loved music and have always loved to sing. So, since I do what I want, I will sing and play the guitar, because it makes me happy. :)

Oh, and I forgot most of the song. I haven't played in about 4 years.

Unemployed...

2010-01-15T14:19:00.000-08:00

This is what you do when you are unemployed and bored. Make videos. Of course you do other things, like try and find a job, etc.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T11:54:00.000-08:00

Blue Eyes

2009-12-23T12:50:00.000-08:00

I met a blue-eyed horse. I've never seen a blue-eyed horse before. I got lost on the way to my grandparents house, so I pulled over to figure out where I was. I saw this horse from far away, and decided to take a break from driving and take some pictures, since I was going the wrong way anyway. He wasn't close to the fence, but as soon as he saw me he started walking towards me. That's when I noticed the blue eyes. Blue eyes are my favorite. I will remember this always only because I feel like it was a sign of hope for me. It's funny how lost I feel I am right now, just as I was driving to my grandparents, but I feel that there will be a blue-eyed someone who will be drawn to me just as this horse was. That someone will love me for me and really appreciate the love that I give back. That someone will not just say what he thinks I need to hear, I'm not one for words, but show me truth through action of love. No fear, just love. So to that someone, know that I love you, and I look forward to meeting you someday.

Installments

2009-12-18T12:10:00.000-08:00

Sovereign

2009-12-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

Dust eventually settles

2009-12-10T22:03:00.001-08:00

Self Portrait

2009-12-10T11:02:00.000-08:00

I’m numb

nowhere to look

nothing to see

all of my senses are running away from me

even they don’t want to be around me

i’m too much for them

close the door, shut the windows

let the darkness surround me

take me away

all i want is love

without all the organized chaos

it all complicates something that’s so simple

close the door, shut the windows

let the darkness surround me

take me away

im trapping myself inside

burying myself alive

so that no one can hurt me

no one will feel me

close the door, shut the windows

let the darkness surround me

take me AWAY...

Quack Quack

2009-12-08T11:34:00.000-08:00

MashMelon

2009-12-03T22:19:00.001-08:00

My friend, Ellen Webber, and I, were in the VC Star for filming a short documentary that featured Sergio Arrogones' (the wonderful MAD magazine cartoonist) exhibition that was at the Ojai Valley Museum. It was such a great opportunity!

http://www.vcstar.com/news/2009/nov/30/filmmakers-capture-famed-cartoonist-on-video/

Living in a tree, or something like that

2009-12-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

http://tinyhouseblog.com/stick-built/tiny-house-in-portland/

Live in love

2009-11-24T21:48:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been overwhelming in every way possible. It has allowed me to do more thinking than I would like, and really made me think about the things in my life. I've always struggled with the fact that friends come and go. Accepting that the people who have the most influence on your life, are no longer a part of your life, just seems so sad. (for lack of a better word) I'm not trying to be or sound negative. The funny thing is that I have pushed so many people out of my life too.

I am just realizing how much I want for so many to be happy, but I can never make everyone happy. I've tried so much to try to emotionally connect with people in order to truly understand them, and find ways to bring joy to others. But I have really just learned to understand myself. Seems so selfish, but I don't know any other way to be. I have come to realize that I cannot provide happiness to other people, but I do hope that people have at least felt some kind of joy, or happiness in knowing me. I feel that everyone that I have been in friendships, relationships, whateverships; all of the people that have been in and out of my life, I can say, you all have made me happy because you all have helped me to truly learn who I am. Regardless if I still speak to you or not. (something I'm learning to deal with) Thank you for bringing understanding and truth to my life. Knowing that, I can only be who I am, I will only be who I am, and I will learn to love others as much as I possibly can. Sometimes that is hard to do, but I will try my best to live in love. Love is something that I don't understand, and question always, but I always have the most comfort in.

So to all, know that you are loved.

tender illusions

2009-11-22T20:43:00.001-08:00

Different times, wonderful moments.

tender illusion continued...

2009-11-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

Love is the most tender illusion...

2009-11-22T16:13:00.000-08:00

Old memories I never got to share, but enjoyed so very much.

Body Image

2009-08-14T13:25:00.001-07:00

Attemps at conceptual photographs

2009-07-25T23:11:00.001-07:00

Hummmm

2009-06-20T11:58:00.001-07:00

These little guys were living on my wind chime on my porch for a while. They flew away though. :(

Mi Amor

2009-06-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Heidi..

2009-06-07T12:58:00.001-07:00

My girlies...well doggies...my babies.

2009-05-27T18:54:00.001-07:00

Where's Sophie???

2009-05-27T18:50:00.001-07:00

Special Moments

2009-05-13T15:20:00.003-07:00

yeah still going...

2009-05-07T19:11:00.003-07:00

and still more shooting...

2009-05-07T19:09:00.001-07:00

Keep Shooting...

2009-05-07T19:06:00.001-07:00

Symphony...

2009-05-05T21:18:00.000-07:00

That's what she said...

2009-05-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

Photos by P.P. (aka Paul)

More Minnesota...

2009-05-01T12:51:00.003-07:00

Minnesota...

2009-05-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

No Words

2009-04-21T13:37:00.003-07:00

ave

2009-04-18T13:21:00.001-07:00

Oh the Avenue

2009-04-18T13:09:00.001-07:00

3 Musketeers

2009-04-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

Bubble

2009-04-15T15:34:00.003-07:00

New stuff from class

2009-04-13T19:48:00.001-07:00

Austin

2009-04-08T16:29:00.003-07:00

Let's get some shoes...

2009-04-06T20:10:00.001-07:00

train

2009-04-06T12:07:00.000-07:00

Riel

2009-04-06T10:02:00.001-07:00

Dani

2009-04-06T09:43:00.000-07:00

Miss model...

2009-03-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

All natural...

2009-03-14T19:27:00.000-07:00

natural light

Street art..

2009-03-10T14:27:00.000-07:00

Yay!

2009-03-08T13:08:00.001-07:00

My favorite girlies...

2009-03-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

oh hell!

2009-02-25T11:49:00.000-08:00

that guy...

2009-02-25T09:33:00.001-08:00

Sara

2009-02-24T16:30:00.001-08:00

Amanduh...

2009-02-24T16:01:00.000-08:00

Some friends...

2009-02-24T15:40:00.001-08:00

Partly yours

2009-02-20T23:53:00.000-08:00

Black & White with color

2009-02-19T22:42:00.001-08:00

Class assignment and you guessed it, another self portrait...

feel free to come model for me. I would love the practice! :) Why do you think I have so many pictures of myself? I love taking pictures!

Self Portrait...yet again.

2009-02-17T14:20:00.000-08:00

Eventually I would like to have a gallery (with Ellen and Sara) of just self portraits. This is not because I'm all about me, it's more because I'm adjusting to the world around me. So...

Portfolio

2009-02-14T20:43:00.000-08:00

Putting together my portfolio. Here are some possible picks. My favorite model, Melon.

Sweet Rach

2009-02-14T20:31:00.001-08:00

Sweetness...

Happy

2009-02-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

There's a place I find in you

Things are happy

I am happy

Class assignments...

2009-02-10T19:16:00.000-08:00

These are class assignments I have been working on the past two weeks. :)

In the Sheets

2009-01-28T19:05:00.001-08:00

In the beginning

2009-01-23T14:01:00.000-08:00

I scanned some more film pictures from my first b&w class.

HOlgA pics..

2009-01-23T10:52:00.003-08:00

First pics ever taken with the great and wonderful, HOLGA!

1st Picture

2009-01-19T18:15:00.000-08:00

This is one of the first pictures I ever took.

Big Sur

2009-01-19T11:14:00.000-08:00

continued...

Big Sur

2009-01-19T11:10:00.001-08:00

old pics from a while back that I have just now looked at...

Bath

2008-12-30T21:18:00.001-08:00

This is hurt...

2008-12-13T20:54:00.000-08:00

My latest self-portrait....theme: hurt.

My song

2008-12-09T20:05:00.001-08:00

Just Smile

You get all the praise

all because I was finding myself

Learning who I really am

You took away my identity

Only for a while

You try to take my pride, my hope

Oh, how I just smile

Trying to connect the dots and see what is really happening

away from you it is so much easier to do

I see things how they really are

and the problem is not me, it's you

So try to turn things around on me

Go ahead and try

I'm not the one who has problems looking at myself in the mirror

I'm not the one who is going to cry

Hopefully you realize who you are

You see what you do to not only me, but everyone else

and you find a gift that most don't have and never find

the ability to know and love yourself

Maybe you will overcome what has trapped you

Making you believe that you have to do the things that you do

and tell yourself that you are better than everyone else

when you and I both know that's not true

So now moving on to someone else

I see so much clearer

I know myself, I love myself

Oh, how I just smile!

2008-11-10T22:12:00.000-08:00

My sweet Melon

2008-10-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

Glass in my old house

2008-10-03T00:42:00.001-07:00

Light in my new house...

2008-10-03T00:04:00.000-07:00

Shadow

2008-10-01T02:19:00.000-07:00

Shadows are cool...

Up close...not so Personal

2008-10-01T02:14:00.000-07:00

Blue Moon

2008-09-25T13:51:00.001-07:00

You saw me standing alone....

Shine

2008-09-21T17:56:00.000-07:00

Sun shiny day!

Sometimes I like birds.....

2008-07-23T18:58:00.000-07:00

birds...

BEWARe!!!!

2008-07-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

I thought these things were extinct???

Skies back home

2008-07-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

I miss seeing the thunderstorms roll in...

Oh Hell no!

2008-05-31T23:36:00.000-07:00

2008-05-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

Light light everywhere...

leaf

2008-05-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

Barbie girls in Barbie worlds...

2008-05-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

Eyes and skies

2008-05-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

2008-05-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I really enjoy putting together very short multimedia pieces in a way where hopefully people will see how I see things sometimes.

2008-05-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

2008-04-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

California Skies: Driving on the 101

2008-04-15T00:58:00.000-07:00

Latest Self portrait....

2008-02-23T20:55:00.000-08:00

I love you Wello! rip

2008-02-16T10:41:00.000-08:00

Oh, and there was this crazy cover band....

2008-02-16T10:37:00.000-08:00